Today marks 1 year for our funny, joyful, chubby, and charming son, Joshua. It’s definitely been a wild run filled with learning, laughter, and yawns (amirite?). Going into parenthood, I wasn’t quite sure how things would turn out. Would I love and enjoy the ride or would I be a tired, miserable grump? Would I be good at raising a child or would I be such a hot mess? How would I feel about poopy diapers? With 1 year under our belt, these are the 9 most memorable lessons I’ve learned about parenthood:
1. Tiredness is Overshadowed By Love
I’ve always loved sleep. I used to get up in the morning and dream about coming home from work and just sleep. This was my biggest reservation about having a child because I thought that I would just be miserable about not having a good night’s rest. But when our son arrived, I was ecstatic! I was so full of joy and love that sleeplessness was but an afterthought. It’s as if the joy, love, and excitement I felt for my child fueled me like no amount of caffeine ever can.
2. Each Stage is Gone Before You Know It
It’s crucial that you as a parent be present with your child because each stage passes by with lightning speed. One day you’re supporting your kid’s head and the next they are attempting to make their first step. Oh, how I miss those times when I would hold Joshua as he lays still just looking up at me but at the same time excited now that he loves walking everywhere. Just be present, observe, marvel, and enjoy the moment because they seem to last just seconds before they move on to something new. Yes, I was still groggy as heck but the chance to interact with my newborn, change his diaper, then holding him close to my chest was too awesome to resist.
3. Nobody is Really Ready for Parenthood
You can study and prepare as much as you want or get as much advice as you can from past generations, but you’ll never be fully knowledgeable or practically prepared for the challenges your baby will present. I’m not saying you don’t have the responsibility to read books nor am I encouraging you to wing it, but just know that this journey is and will always be a step-by-step learning experience. You’ll need to read lots of books and articles, but don’t feel bad if you need to search the web for a remedy for a specific situation in which you may find yourself. It’s definitely a daily learning experience.
4. Your Life Doesn’t Have to Be Over
I was listening to a podcast the other day in which a co-host announced that he and his wife were expecting. He then lets the listeners know of his fear that his life would be over, to which I say it doesn’t have to be. Sure, you can over-focus on parenting to the point that you and your spouse isolate yourselves from the rest of the world, but I think that’s actually unhealthy. If you are disciplined enough with scheduling, and make it a point to communicate with your partner, you can implement a system which will allow you to still hang out with friends, have dinner with co-workers, or go on weekend getaways. You can even find a loved one or two who will be more than willing to care for your baby for a few hours/days to allow you to continue to live a healthy social life.
5. Community is Crucial
It’s important that parents have a support system in place when entering into parenthood. The wisdom of past generations, the companionship of other parents, and the normalcy brought by best friends among other things can be huge boosts during exhausting times. The act of my mom taking Josh for a couple of hours in the morning so that we could catch some sleep was a big deal. The tips we got from friends who just had a baby were really helpful. And the spiritual encouragement that our small group has provided can never be measured. You needed community before parenthood, you especially need community during it. Find a solid group of people to journey with if you haven’t done so already!
6. No Cookie-Cutters in Parenting
Every baby is different. They have their own likes and dislikes, their own personalities, and their own unique needs. Josh never liked his crib and always needed extra attention in order to fall asleep while his cousin, who was born six weeks prior, is great at putting herself to sleep and has no qualms with the crib. Every baby will be different, so you’ll be doing yourself and your baby a disservice if you fall into the trap of thinking that one style or system of parenting works for all babies. Take the time to know your baby, their needs, their personalities, their preferences, and adapt your gained knowledge to those things and you’ll be fine.
7. Check In On Your Partner
It’s really important that you and your spouse communicate with each other, especially now that you are in charge of someone else’s well-being. I’m very fortunate that my wife isn’t afraid to tell me her needs and how I can help fulfill them, especially with the psychology of having a baby and the toll that motherhood takes on her. However, some partners are not readily willing to share their thoughts and emotions. You will have to check in on them to see how they are doing mentally, emotionally, and physically after the birth of your child. Both parents have needs and those needs have to be communicated, or your relationship can suffer. Find a good time to talk and see where you both are.
8. Self-care is Really Important
This goes hand-in-hand with my previous point. Don’t think it’s too selfish on your part if you need a couple of hours or even a night away from the baby to take care of yourself. Go to a spa, take a walk in the park, have dinner with your friends, or do whatever it is that brings you value. The demands of parenting are tough, and we need to take care of ourselves in order to fully and properly take care of our children. We all know that old example of putting an oxygen mask on yourself before helping anyone else with theirs. Parenting is along that same line: take care of yourself so that you can take care of the baby.
9. Parenting is Worth All the Sacrifice
In the end, I believe that parenting is worth all the sacrifices we ever have to make as parents. I have this feeling now that I can’t fully enjoy food unless I share it with my son (only if it’s low in sodium, of course). I have no qualms with getting up in the middle of the night if it means meeting the needs of the little being who is divinely entrusted to me. The time that I used to spend on other things is now spent on banging toys around or playing peek-a-boo with a laughing and joyful kid. It’s definitely worth it, and I can’t wait for what lies ahead in this journey.
I could certainly name plenty of other lessons but I’ll stop at nine to keep it short and sweet. It’s been a wild and exciting year witnessing our son grow before our very eyes. We are in constant prayer that this boy will be a force in spreading the name of Jesus to those around him. I am confident that there will be tough times ahead, but I also know that joy will also be a constant in our lives in this journey as parents.
